


Homeless to You

by jungKookiEs_and_taEtaE



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 2park understand each other, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Homeless, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blindness, Group Homes, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, LITERALLY, M/M, Minor Character Death, Schizophrenia, Slow Burn, but it still hurts, it's minor i swear, seongwu is jihoon's brother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-10-04 16:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17308133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jungKookiEs_and_taEtaE/pseuds/jungKookiEs_and_taEtaE
Summary: "Jihoonie or Hoonie is a nickname.""...Are nicknames.""Jihoon is a wonderful name, what's your problem with it?""My mother calls me Jihoon when she's going insane."





	1. One.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vboxsmile0824](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vboxsmile0824/gifts).



> Based off Homeless to Harvard.
> 
> A girl who is in denial about Wanna One disbanding, don't mind me.

**"** I loved my family so much... 

They were drug addicts. Alcoholics. My father was legally blind. My mother was a schizophrenic.

But, I never forgot that they loved me. Even if they did.

All the time. **"**

 

**Masan, South Korea 2004 [20:47]**

_"You stole it."_ A woman no older than her mid-thirties grabs her eldest son by his wrists, slamming him against the wall, _"Where is it?"_ Her eyes were bloodshot and the dark circles under her eyes could no longer be hidden with concealer. She was crouching as she held his face, begging.

_"We're hungry!"_ Seongwu, the eldest son cries, his voice cracking the louder he yelled, _"You gave it to me in the beginning of the month to keep it safe; No More Drugs."_

 

Jihoon walked the small distance from his room to the kitchen, the yelling causing the younger to awake from his slumber. A normal response would've been to cry. Run. Who knows, maybe even call authorities. But, if this is your everyday life? You grow accustom to it, you never think anything of it because it's what you're used to, you don't know anything else. Jihoon tightened the grip he had on the roll of cash that Seongwu had given him half an hour prior to the argument. His presence caused their Mother to avert her gaze from the elder and towards the younger,  _"Oh sweetie. You found it."_

 

Shaking his head, the younger avoided his Mother's grasp as he ran around the couch their Father was seated, watching a game show similar to Jeopardy,  _"Mommy, we need eat."_ Locking eyes with her, seeing nothing but want in the substance she was addicted to,  _"C'mon baby, one last time. I promise."_

_"That's what you said last time."_ Seongwu stood in front of his little brother, his protective instincts kicking into overdrive. 

She stared into Jihoon's eyes,  _"Jihoon..."_

_"Jihoonie, We're hungry."_

 

Taken off guard, their Mother took the time while her youngest was distracted to take the roll of money from his hands. Wasting little to no time, she was out the door in seconds. Their father close behind her, taking his time to make sure the brother's were settled before leaving. Jihoon looked to Seongwu, the elder looked unfazed knowing this was going to happen;  _it always did._

* * *

 

**"** I was never angry, when my needs weren't attended.

I always assumed it was the human's condition to do so; to fend for yourself. 

It's what I told myself, so I could still love the life others had...

That is, until life came in. **"**

**Masan, South Korea 2007 [06/13]**

_"Mommy..."_ Jihoon's voice was soft, staring into his Mother's eyes that held so much hatred in the moment. His Father was holding her tightly in his arms, to avoid her from hurting their sons and facing more consequences.

_"I am not your Mother."_ Her hands were close to her chest, her arms having repetitive spasms. She was trying to get out of the grasp of her husband, knocking objects within her reach all around the apartment. The commotion obviously caused one of their neighbors in the building to call authorities.

 

_"Hoonie, help me clean this up. If they see this, then they'll take us too!"_ Seongwu shouted to his younger brother, while he was holding dishes in his hands. Tears threatening to fall from his eyes;  _He's never seen him so broken. Helpless._ Jihoon spared one glance at his brother before the front door was slammed into, men in uniform storming the small apartment, if it could even be called one anymore.

**_"This place is a mess!"_** A woman, probably older than their Mother hissed as she attended to the two brothers as the other two officers were in the process of taking the Mother away from the premises. 

_"Where are you taking her?!"_ Jihoon cried, managing to escape the woman's presence in order to say one final goodbye to his Mother.

**_"If you don't start going back to school this fall, we'll take you too! We'll put you in one of those Group Homes, you'll have to work for them in order to survive. Is that what you want?"_ **

Ignoring her threats, the younger made it just in time to see his Mother getting wheeled into an EMS while being strapped down to a stretcher. Tears were streaming down his face, he was being held back by Seongwu from entering the EMS.

 

_"...Why?"_ His voice was small, looking up at his brother who seemed to know more about their situation since he was born four years before Jihoon himself.

_"I...I don't know Jihoonie. I really don't."_

* * *

 

**"** Life went on, as it always does.

I was always the smelly kid in class. Seongwu used the bucket to shower every morning;

Dad said 'he'd have to marry a doctor if he had high expectations,'

I guess I never had any expectations, so therefore... I stunk. **"**

**Masan, South Korea 2007 [09/18]**

Jihoon walked into class for the second time in the first term. His hair was unwashed from the lack of bathing, the ripped beanie placed on the top of his head took away from the length of it;  _past his shoulders._ But, it did little to trap the odor. His clothes consisted of an over-sized white hoodie with bleach and faded red hair dye stains, along with pants that had to be held by a makeshift belt;  _Shoelace_ in order to keep from falling.

 

_"Something stinks."_ Someone in the class whines, causing an uproar of commotion in the class. 

 

_"It's Park!"_  

Ignoring the comments about himself, Jihoon sat at his desk. Trying to distract himself from the burn between his legs and the itch from the lice.

 

The bell rang meaning class was starting. The teacher stood at the front of the class,  _"If you were here, you would know about the test we are having today."_ Looking directly at Jihoon, who is attempting to avoid her gaze. Then she began to pass out the papers, almost skipping over him.

 

_"I'll take it."_

_"So you can speak; Are you sure? you haven't been here-"_

_"I said... I'll take it."_ Jihoon breathes, continuing to stare at his desk with a pencil in his hand.

_"Alright then."_ She places the test on Jihoon's desk.

 

He had finished the test quicker than the other students who knew the material. He waited, waited for the bell to ring so he could go back home. To what was left of it at least, to wait and see if his Mother had come home.

 

But, nothing would have prepared him for when his teacher made him stay after class...

 

_"You stink, you know that right?"_ She frowned in sympathy.

Nodding, Jihoon finally spared his teacher a glance.

_"Doesn't your Mother ever tell-"_

_"No. No, it's my fault. I forget."_

_"Well, make sure to wash back here tonight."_ She gestured behind his ears, before picking a packet off her desk,  _"I don't know how you did it. You barely show up, but..."_ She revealed the news to her student, showing Jihoon that he got a perfect score on the test that they had previously taken,  _"How?"_

_"My brother, I read his old textbooks he had forgotten to return."_

_"You have to come to school Jihoonie. I'm not saying that in Teacher-Student statuses, I'm saying this as an Adult-Child status; If you don't, I have to call authorities. It's not a threat, it's a promise."_

 

Jihoon understands, but he doesn't have a ride every morning. His brother rarely came home nowadays, having taken upon as many extracurricular activities possible in order to spend as little time as possible at home. His Father states that he's at his day job, but they all know he's at home... Taking drugs, letting the bills pile in and not being paid off. His Mother never had a car in the first place and not to mention, she hadn't returned home from when authorities had taken her.

 

_"Okay."_


	2. Two.

Once Jihoon entered the apartment, he was expecting to walk in and see his Father either injecting a needle into his arms or asleep with the television running. But, there was nothing. The only light was from the sun that was coming in from the window near the kitchen. It was a deathly silence that made you feel suffocated, as if the atmosphere was taunting you;  _you know you're alone._

But, it suddenly changed when a figure appeared from around the corner. It was a woman,  _his Mother._ Tears welled within his eyes, he didn't know if it was from happiness or dread for the future.

 

_"Mommy..."_

_"Oh, my baby."_ She put down the suitcase she was carrying, and crouched down so she could seem smaller than Jihoon in order to give him a hug.

_"I got a 100."_ He smiled proudly showing her the test he had taken a couple hours prior, it was then when he saw the two suitcases near her figure,  _"What?"_

_"I... Jihoonie, I have aids."_

The younger's eyes began to burn from the tears he had been holding in,  _"no."_

_"No, no. Don't be scared, they said I could live forever. I will, I'll live forever. Mommy needs to quit drugs, but I can't do that with Daddy around."_

_"Huh?"_ tilting his head to the side, not seeming to catch on.

_"I'm going home."_

_"This is home."_ Jihoon was panicking, almost near hyperventilating. There was nothing he could do, the little security he has -parents being together- will be taken from him whether he likes it or not.

_"My home; to my Father. I'm getting you and Seongwu out of here-"_

_"No. No. We have to stay."_

_"I can't."_ She stood up, knowing Jihoon would choose to stay where he's always known, and had grown accustom to. She walked out of the front door with the two suitcases that held her clothes and Seongwu's. 

 

Jihoon stood at the entrance of the kitchen, staring as the front door closed shut. His Mother having left him, not looking back. _She left._

* * *

 

**"** She never came back for us; My Father and I. He could no longer provide for us.

Owning the thickest pair of glasses, his eyesight continued to worsen.

Despite what my teacher had warned me, I didn't go to school.

They came for me, took me to the group home... My Father just watched.

He didn't try to stop them, he just gathered the materials to inject himself. **"**

**Masan, South Korea 2007-2016 [10/02 - 11/05]**

He set the suitcase onto the concrete floor of the home, many children of all ages screaming and fighting echoed in Jihoon's ears. The painting on the walls were faded and chipped, making the house seem smaller than what it actually was in size.

Nobody came for him in the next twenty four hours... Twenty four days. He had embedded in his mind that he wasn't worth it. Nobody wanted him. 

Jihoon cleaned the mess that was made in the dorms, he did it without complaint. Did it without being told to. If you're busy doing one thing and not socializing, there are less disagreements. Didn't mean there wasn't scars, it was just significantly  _less._

 

He held a faded burn on his torso, someone had poured their soup fresh out of the pot onto him, one of his first nights at the home. He held a permanent scar on his bottom lip from breaking up a fight, saving a boy who is now one of his closest allies; **_Bae Jinyoung._** There are numerous reasons he could name as to why he doesn't give up. Why, even after nine years of living in the group home, where he sees many individuals getting to go home after just a few months. Even Jinyoung back in 2011 had to opportunity of going home, despite it being for a couple months before coming back because his parents had relapsed in their drug habits, _that he still has hope_.

It changed on the Fifth of November, after nine years of living in the group home. His Mother, who had looked better now than she did all those years back when she left Jihoon alone in that apartment; He was going home.

 

Home wasn't the home he once knew. It was no longer Building 11 in Apartment 7B, it was in a house with far much smaller room than the apartment he lived in. It was in a rather questionable area, located in **Busan** rather than Masan.

Despite the huge difference in scenery, there was in appearance as well. Jihoon shaved his hair back in 2009 in order to start fresh. The lice had gotten so bad that one shake of his head they would just fall out, and the length of his hair was past his elbows by this point. Shaving it completely off;  _bald._ He learned to take a shower everyday at the home, he treated his body with the upmost care he could manage. Now, 2016 he never let his hair get past a certain length before he cuts it with kitchen scissors. He learnt how to dress, despite everything being from the thrift store, everything  _fit._

He walked into the house, seeing his older brother for the first time in almost over a decade. It was almost awkward, there was almost an envious feeling knowing that Seongwu didn't have to go through half of what Jihoon did. But, if someone didn't stick with his Father then no one would have, everyone needs someone they can rely on. 

 

_"Welcome home."_ The older smiles, not knowing how to act around his younger brother.

_"It's not home... Home is Masan, but it is what it is."_

_"Home is where your family is,"_ Seongwu corrects, taking the luggage Jihoon held in his hands.

_"Dad is apart of our family too."_

_"He didn't straighten up his act, he didn't go back to get you."_

_"Nobody did."_

Seongwu shut his mouth at the small banter that turned dark in a matter of seconds. They had nothing in common anymore, they took different paths in life so far, there wasn't anymore room to bond over the things they had in common because they didn't,  _"You start school tomorrow."_

_"Whatever."_

* * *

 

> **"** Despite looking normal... I didn't fit in.

I thought I was alone, nobody knew what I'm going through,

unless they're in a group home. It was my mindset.

If authorities thought I couldn't survive with my previous living conditions, why would they let another individual live in similar conditions?

But, then I met  _him._ **"**

**Busan, South Korea 2016 [11/06]**

Jihoon walked into his first class of the day, which was his English and Literature class. The atmosphere seemed heavy, there was something that weighed in the air almost as if it was a repeat of his Primary school, the only difference was it wasn't directed negatively towards himself, no one for that matter. He handed the teacher one of the many copies of his file, before taking a seat in an empty desk.

He was sitting next to a boy around his age. His skin was tan, his hair was covered by a grey beanie but from the snippets he could see, the boy had brown hair. When he locked eyes with the said boy, he smiled brightly at him which gave him a view of a snaggletooth that made the other seem more attractive than he already seemed to be.

 

_**"Woojin, would you like to analyze the first paragraph?"** _

_"Um, no?"_ The person of the voice was the boy that was seated next to Jihoon.

**_"As expected; Daehwi?"_ **

The person that was called on, stood up from his seat but seemed to make a fool out of the teacher when he had began reciting the paragraph in broken English, the words he recited in the language were terribly mispronounced purposely and over exaggerating a line from the text;  _'Who Art Thou?'_ Daehwi would translate to,  _"Whomst The Fucketh?"_

The class laughed at the scene unfolding before their eyes, it even caused a rare smile to appear on Jihoon's face.

_**"You find this amusing,"**_ The woman looked at the file to read the name of her new student,  ** _"Mr. Jihoon?"_**

_"Please don't call me that."_ The smile was wiped off his face just as quick as it had appeared.

_**"That's your name according to these forms."** _

_"Jihoonie or Hoonie."_

**_"Jihoonie or Hoonie, is a nickname."_ **

_"...Are nicknames."_

**_"I'm afraid not-"_ **

 

_"Damn, just call the dude what he wants to be called!"_ The voice of the boy named Woojin snaps, to which Jihoon looks over to the latter and sees the boy already staring back at him smiling to where he catches another flash of that snaggletooth smile.

The class agreeing, not wanting the teacher to overpower Jihoon.

**_"Jihoon is a wonderful name; Many idols are named Jihoon and the meaning behind it should make you cherish it. What is your problem with it?"_ **

_"My Mother calls me Jihoon when she's going insane."  
_Jihoon says point blank, there is no emotion behind his answer. He was so used to his past lifestyle, it almost seemed surreal to not have to live through it anymore.

 

The class had laughed at the answer Jihoon had given, thinking they all could relate. But, if only they knew the truth. Except, one student didn't... Woojin stared at Jihoon's side profile with hope, a longing maybe? He wouldn't know what the latter had thought in that moment, and it turns out he would never really find out the look Woojin had given him.

 


	3. Three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, you grew up freaky but you're not a freak?"
> 
> "Nope."
> 
> "That's too bad... I am."

There was so much to learn about Woojin. How he held himself, as if he could relate personally to Jihoon but not let his past effect his current state. Jihoon watched the younger from afar, studying his adaptations in the environments he willingly walked into. Woojin would succeed in fitting into the norms of the school, while Jihoon himself was struggling trying to become his own person.

They seemed so different. Yet, they were so similar. All what was needed to conclude this statement was a push towards each other. 

 

_"I haven't properly introduced myself, I'm Park Woojin."_

_"Jihoonie... Not being rude or anything, but you want to be seen with me?"_

_"Ah, so the rumors were true."_ Woojin sits down next to Jihoon on the ground,  _"Was it freaky like they say it is?"_

_"Totally."_

_"Are you freaky?"_ The younger teases, bumping shoulders with Jihoon trying to get the older to crack a smile.

_"No."_

_"Let me get this straight; you grew up freaky, but you're not a freak?"_

_"Nope."_

Woojin hums in response,  _"That's too bad... I am."_

_"Interesting."_

_"What? You don't believe me."_ Woojin accuses, pointing a finger at Jihoon.

_"I didn't say anything."_

_"incorrect sir, you've been talking to me for the past few minutes."_

_"You're not... normal, are you?"_

_"Nope."_

_"Well, I guess I'm a freak."_ Jihoon smiles at the sight of Woojin brightening at his statement.

* * *

 

**"** Self declared freaks, who would have thought I'd have someone I could confide in?

We were each other's safe place and yet we didn't know the details of each other's situation;

Only the facts... Until we didn't. **"**

**Busan, South Korea 2017 [01/13]**

Ever since that day, Woojin and Jihoon became a package deal. Whenever there was one, the other was automatically apart of the said news or invited to that party, whatever it was they were a set. They knew the basic facts of each other's life, like for example Woojin had a younger sister that lives with their grandparents while he lives with his parents. Or that Jihoon has an older brother that uses their grandparents last name because for the first three years of his life they raised Seongwu while their parents were in jail. Those basic facts, and the small details every now and then made them closer.

Sure, they kept secrets from each other they found too personal to share. Rather, they were accustom to having to keep quiet in order to still maintain the life they had. It was a habit they had to keep until they were of age to tell their story without having to worry if someone was going to come barging through their apartment and take them to the group home. But, those secrets would be revealed one way or another.

 

Jihoon entered into the locker room, he had been running late to gym from staying after in his History class to make corrections to a test. Thinking there was nobody in the locker room, he sighed in relief, now he didn't have to waste more time to get dressed in the stalls to hide the scar along his torso. He could dress out in the open, then he heard the water to the showers...

_"What?"_ He whispers to himself, before going to see if someone had accidentally left the water on. The very first shower head he came across was the source, but to his surprise there sat Woojin on the bench in nothing but a towel that was wrapped around his waist, his back facing Jihoon. 

_"Woojin?"_

The younger immediately turned, trying to cover his back which Jihoon hadn't noticed from all the steam blocking his vision,  _"I fell! It's nothing."_

_"..."_  Jihoon stared at his best friend in confusion, the younger was backing up in the steam in an attempt to disappear or rather seem smaller to avoid further question,  _"Woojin, turn around."_

Shaking his head,  _"It's fine. I'm okay."_

_"It wasn't a question."_

It was then, and only then did Jihoon study the younger's appearance more clearly. He wasn't wearing the grey beanie, his brown locks were free and flowed just slightly past the nape of his neck. The mischief he always seems to hold within his eyes is nowhere to be found, replaced with fear and vulnerability. Woojin slowly turns, revealing the slashes that littered his back from the tip of his shoulder blades to the dip in his back. Some were fresh, some were faded to light scars on his tanned skin. 

_"How..."_ Jihoon's voice was soft, trying to not distress the younger more than he already was.

_"Group Home."_

_"Woojin, you've never been to a group home..."_

_"Oh, lucky for me then right? I'm a freak, just like I told you."_ Tears rolling down his face as he still refused to make eye contact. In that moment Jihoon knew. He knew the life that Woojin lived, once or twice it had happened to Jihoon himself as well. Not that he remembers, but he holds scars that go unnoticed by the human eye.

_"Woojin."_

_"I was seven when i first got whipped. **'** Oh, you're two minutes late?  **Whip**. Look, you spilt paint in the garage.  **Whip**. You closed the door too hard.  **Whip**. **'** It's a never ending cycle."_

 

There was nothing Jihoon could say to make the past scars vanish from Woojin's memory, but he can try to prevent future ones from forming. Instead of suggesting ways on how to deal with it, having a heart-to-heart conversation, or even asking questions... The elder pulled Woojin into his arms, it was as if a switch flicked within him. The reason he didn't give up all those years ago, was so he could guide others out of the path that was 'destined' for them at birth. From the examples they grew up with, if they could even be considered that.

_"I don't want to know, unless you want to tell me. I will not pressure you. I will not treat you differently. But, I'm here now."_

No other words were spoken from the younger, but he gripped the elder's shirt material as if his life depended on it as he let the tears silently fall from his eyes.

* * *

 

**"** That was the first and last time he would breakdown in front of me.

Our friendship strengthened, but there was a fear that he would leave like everyone else had.

But, he didn't... 

One positive, from the more tragedies that were soon to come. **"**

**Busan, South Korea 2017 [10/27 - 01/10]**

Woojin at the start of the new year had started to come to school with more noticeable bruises. Well, noticeable to Jihoon because they spent every breathing moment together and if they're not, then they don't speak at all. The way he carried himself never changed, but there was now hesitance before doing so, like he was reliving a habit he had been told to break.

Keeping his promise, Jihoon never spoke of the new appearing bruises but he did treat them. If there was open wounds, Woojin would allow Jihoon to attend to them so he could put the older at rest, knowing that his well being -despite walking on the line between fatal and what  _they_ thought was normal- was okay. 

 

But, then Christmas break came again as it does year round. Jihoon walked into a quiet house, too quiet. The same type of suffocating silenced when his Mother had left him all those years ago. There was something wrong, he walked to his Mother's room to ask if everything was how it should be, but the minute the door pushed open he saw the traumatizing scene of his Mother sprawled on the floor, wrapped in the bed sheets as if it had been a struggle to get out of bed. Slight foam at the mouth, and spit rolling down her cheek. There was a needle about a foot from where she laid, and at that moment he knew;  _overdose._

_"You couldn't quit could you... Were we not enough?"_

There was a pause, before Jihoon screamed at the top of his lungs. Letting all the frustration, the sadness... everything, into that one scream. He crouched down to the floor, holding his Mother as if she was the most fragile thing you could get your hands on. He pressed her limp form into his chest, praying that it was just a false alarm. Maybe a nightmare, and he'd wake up Seven and naive in Building 11, Apartment 7B.

 

Woojin had been there at the...  _funeral?_ If it could even be called one, she was put in a wooden casket and about to be buried in the worst part of the graveyard where, quote unquote  ** _"People like her are buried."_** The younger had pulled out a sharpie, crossing out the misspelling of Jihoon's Mother's name; 

~~**MEENA** ~~

**PARK MINA**

**MOTHER OF  ONG SEONGWU & PARK JIHOON**

**WIFE OF  PARK JUNYOUNG**

**1968-2016 ♡**

The younger pulled Jihoon into a hug before the coffin was put into the ground. Jihoon didn't seem to have anymore tears to shed, he was numb. 

 

When they came back to school from Christmas break, Jihoon noticed the lack of wounds he was cleaning nowadays. But, the state of Woojin was decreasing slightly, meaning there were bags under his eyes that were slowly forming. He also started wearing the same outfit everyday, which wasn't a problem if he were to have washed them... But, they weren't. Woojin always had energy, never tired but that was slowly changing, the younger was now sleeping in class and talking less and less. 

Jihoon snapped, he couldn't lose  _him_ too. When Woojin was the only cure to Jihoon's sanity,  _"Tell me."_

As if understanding the younger spoke,  _"I... They kicked me out."_

_"Why?"_

_"Well, not kicked out per say."_

_"Woojin."_

_"I woke up Christmas day and everything was gone."_

_"What?"_

_"They left me. They didn't want me... What did I do wrong? Was I not enough?"_ Jihoon recognized the look in the younger's eyes, they were void of all emotions. 

_"No. Don't think like that."_

_"It's true. They obviously saw nothing special in-"_

_"What about your grandparents?"_

_"I called both of their numbers... They answered, the minute I introduced myself they hung up. I called again, hoping it was a bad connection, only for it to tell me the server was no longer in use."_

_"Live with me!"_ Jihoon was quick to demand, he was tearing up knowing his best friend was having to go through this alone.

_"Really?"_

_"Seongwu is never home and my Grandfather doesn't mind as long as we clean up after ourselves... The reason he lets me stay, if we're being honest."_

_"I don't want to intrude-"_

_"Understandable..."_

_"Glad we can agree-"_

_"I guess we're both homeless."_

That statement caused a switch to flip within Woojin's heart, for some reason his heart was racing at the thought of it... It wasn't adrenaline and it wasn't necessarily unwelcome, it was foreign.

He no longer felt alone.

 


	4. Four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Nothing lasts forever..."

**"** We stole. We thrived, in order to survive in the new life we presented to ourselves.

But, like everything I've ever grown comfortable with;

Nothing stays the same... **"**

**Busan, South Korea 2018 [8/29]**

 

_"Jihoonie, I can't keep this up."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"You were made for more than sticking to me."_

_"You're forgetting that it was my choice."_

 

Woojin shook his head in disapproval, this was when Jihoon studied him closely. 

His once radiant, dark tanned skin was now monotone; an almost sick pale. The bags under his eyes were more prominent and his lack of energy was increasing day-by-day. Woojin's hair had grown past his shoulders, so he tied it in a rubber-band and hid it under his beanie. The light he held within his eyes, well that had left a long time ago.

 

_"You may be six months older; but, you're still my hyung. I look up to you, and seeing you follow me... hurts."_

 

_"What are you saying?"_

_"How much do you care about me?"_

Furrowing his brows, Jihoon looked the younger in the eyes,  _"I may not know what love is; but, I'm pretty sure it's what I feel for you."_

 

Nodding in understanding. There was no look of disgust, hatred, anger... Woojin's eyes had softened, there.  _That_ was the light that had left, but it left just as quickly as it had came back,  _"If you care about me... You'll leave."_

_"What?"_

_"If you love something, set it free..."_

_"If it comes back, it's yours to keep."_ Jihoon finishes the cliche line, he's heard only a handful of times.

_"Jihoonie, when you leave... If you feel like giving up, please remember me. When you go to college and wonder about dropping out, remember me. When you graduate, come find me."_

 

_"Who says I'm leaving?"_

_"I'm giving you two options; You leave first, and I'll see you again someday... Or, I leave and I make sure you never find me."_

_"Why now?"_

_"Senior year is starting, the year that matters. This was fun while it lasted, but you have a future... with or without me."_

_"Say I leave first, how will I find you?"_

_"You're bright, you'll find a way."_

_"Woojin, come with me then."_

Shaking his head,  _"You need to learn by yourself before you can teach others."_

_"But, we can learn from each other..."_

 

Woojin looks away from the elder's pleading eyes,  _"I can't rely on you when I have nothing to give in return._

_"Woojin-"_

_"If you don't walk away in the next few minutes, I will."_

_"...Can I have one thing?"_

Looking at Jihoon, he tilted his head in confusion, waiting for him to continue.

_"You know how I feel; I'll leave. But, promise me that when I find you; You will let me love you, the way you should've been."_

 

Woojin lightly smiled, the warmth radiated from his pupils once again,  _"Here's the thing, the minute you find friends who will accept you. When you're at the top of your class. When you're class president. When you participate in extracurricular activities. If you somehow remember me, then my answer is yes. If you don't remember me, my answer will still be yes..."_ His eyes began to burn from the tears beginning to build up,  _"You changed my life, I may not have impacted yours but you sure as hell impacted mine."_

 

_"So... This is it?"_

_"I guess so."_

_"Goodbye?"_

_"No... See you soon."_ Woojin holds his hand out for Jihoon to shake.

 _"No, you're throwing me to the side. The least you could do is hug me."_ Jihoon smiled through the pain.

Woojin pulled the elder in for a hug, that lasted who knows how long. They both thought the other smelt, felt of home. The only constant in their life that was being ripped apart from them for the nth time. This time, with a purpose.

 

 _"...i love you."_ Jihoon rubbed circles into Woojin's tense back, a habit he had grown accustom to throughout the years.

_"i know..."_

* * *

 

 **"** I never forgot him... 

Not when I became Valedictorian.

Not when I received an anonymous win to be class of 2019's Class President.

Not when I was in Seven Extracurricular Activities.

When I got accepted into Seoul University. **"**

**Busan, South Korea 2019 [02/27]**

_"How are you not excited? Literally, you were the only one that was accepted and got a full-ride to Seoul."_ Daehwi stared at the elder as if Jihoon had killed his first born.

**_"He's just depressed his_ ** **boy-toy decided to dropout. Wouldn't surprise me if he was killed already. His parents were wack."**

_"Shut the fuck up."_ Jihoon turned his head to the new voice who had butted into the conversation,  _"You don't know shit."_

 _" Jihoon!" _Daehwi provoked the elder from doing something he would regret, pulling him out into the hallway away from the boy taunting him.

 

That was another thing, he made everyone call him Jihoon. No matter how much he despised the name, but he found out soon after he had left Woojin that he only liked the name Jihoonie or Hoonie, come out of the younger's mouth. His satoori would make the elder calm, weak in the knees. But, when everyone else would call him by it, he would tense or ignore it... call him biased, he wouldn't care.

 

_"Calm down, please."_

_"...i miss him Daehwi, I can't last four years. I barely made it-"_

_"You made a deal with him. You think he doesn't know how hard it is? Imagine how he's feeling right now."_

_"He seemed eager to drop me..."_

_"Cause he wanted to give back to you. You dropped everything for him, he wanted to do the same... He dropped you, for you."_

_"..."_

_"He dropped everything; you were his everything."_

 

Jihoon had found out one night, approximately a month after the day Jihoon had left. Daehwi soon became his sense of comfort, but he couldn't fill the missing piece in his life, but it was better than nothing.

Calming down, Jihoon took a deep breath. His shoulders finding no relief, but there was a calmness in the air. He made a promise, he had to keep it. For Woojin, but it didn't stop the elder from sitting in the exact desk Woojin had sat in. Going to all the places they had been to just to keep his memories fresh, so he wouldn't forget the feeling of home.

 

_"What did you decide to major in?"_

_"Education."_

_"Really?"_

_"I want to make a difference; Show others, that they can be something rather than listening to life others have planned for them..."_

_"There's the Jihoon that Woojin wanted to see."_

* * *

 

 **"** I majored in Education for myself, but I minored in Dance... for  _Woojin._

I ended up graduating early, in my Junior year of College.

I was finally allowed to see him again, but I didn't know where to start.

**Seoul to Busan, South Korea 2022 [6/22]**

_"Daehwi, I don't care if Jinyoung is going to be at your place in a few minutes. How the fuck, am I supposed to find him if I don't know where the fuck to start?"_

**_"You're still on that? Jihoon, I only encouraged you because no one else would... I don't even know if he's alive, okay?"_ **

_"So, you're not going to give me your input?"_

**_"...You're bright, you'll find a way."_ **

_"That's, exactly-"_

**_"Think about it. I have to go, Jinyoung's-"_ **

_"Treat him right please... He's like the brother I never had the pleasure in knowing."_

**_"Always, I hope you find him Jihoon... I really do."_ **

With that, Jinyoung's voice on the other end had giggled,  ** _"You got this Hyung! Fighting!"_** Then the call was ended, by whom Jihoon will never know. But, the phrase Daehwi had spoken, was clear as day. But, it made no sense...

 

Jihoon had been using his phone, that call with Daehwi had signified that he was back in Busan. A familiar setting, but rather not at the same time... He didn't have Woojin with him.

 

_You're bright, you'll find a way._

 

_"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"_

Shaking his head, Jihoon began to kick the graveled road beneath his feet, there was almost no one in this part of town. The roads were scarce, not even a simple vehicle. He remembered it as the road he spent a lot of his life, his Grandfather's house. It looked abandoned, there didn't look like a decent living condition. But, it was somehow comforting in a way that meant, he would cherish more.

 

 _"...Here goes nothing."_ Walking through the opened door, it looked exactly the same. But, unoccupied. Nobody had lived there for years, everything was how he left it the afternoon he decided he was homeless, which made him believe his Grandfather had taken the initiative to leave first,  _"Good to know how much I meant to you."_

 

_"Park Woojin, I will find you."_

 

 


End file.
